Friday, September 12, 2008

Have you ever felt like you’ve completely lost yourself?

Right now, I’m going through a period in my life where I feel like I am beginning to rediscover who I am. It seems that for so long I have tried to appease others that I lost touch of who I was.

And it really isn’t that I have gone out of my way to try and make others happy. Just in my day-to-day activities. But somewhere, while trying to please my employer, a friend, or a family member I forgot to make sure the one person that truly needed to be happy was satisfied.

For the longest, I have tried not to be a selfish person. I have always tried to treat others as I would like to be treated and many times put the concerns of others in front of my own. And while I still believe those are good traits, I have come to realize that there has to be a balance. More importantly, I have to make sure I am happy first.

In truth, I haven’t been happy for a long time. I mean I enjoy life. But, it seems that happiness is increasingly becoming a forced action rather than something coming naturally.

Thankfully though, I’m starting to remember the things that make me happy and the things I like to do. It sounds too much like a cliché to say that I had an epiphany. Still, it all started coming to me when I was doing the most trivial of things – ironing my clothes.

Suddenly, I became aware of the fact that for many years I have been neglecting myself. I’ve been doing things that I either I don’t like or am not really not interested in for other people’s satisfaction.

And that is just not right.

And while I’m still searching within myself, for the first time, in a long time, I feel good. I feel different and my thoughts and desires are changing. Unfortunately, I realize that as I go through this transformation there will be people who don’t understand or who may leave my life.

But, that is okay.

They probably weren’t meant to be here in the first place.

The Wizard has spoken.

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